Got hot water - broke the pipes. Back to no hot water.
Payday today. Didn´t get paid and won´t until next Tuesday at the earliest.

I love having no money and living in Mexico. I spared myself about five minutes during which I cried like a little girl and then gave up.

I just want to go to bed.

Another and another life

So much has changed and much remains the same in the last little while.
I´ve moved into a new apartment now - we´re entirely settled except for a hot water heater that has refused to work properly, making cold showers a daily (lol every second day for me) norm. We´re hoping to get it fixed tonight actually. We had a leakage problem from the torrential downpours that plague this city in the rainy season, our livingroom looked like outside in a manner of speaking - much closer to the water that flows as high as the curb down the street. There are pictures of course, which I haven´t been able to upload. That problem seems to have been resolved and rainy season is coming to it´s conclusion.
The mosquitoes are ferocious however and I´ve been more bitten than I care to think about it. Now my legs are a mash of bruises and bites - not that I let them show too often because people in shorts are not common here.

My life has become a sort of domestic dream for the poor. I handwash clothes everyday the sun comes up - I shop at the market or take the long treck down to Walmart to get things like chedder cheese (hard to find in a country that likes its cheese like it likes its women: white). I still don´t have any dishes so I have an intent on purchasing more today.

Two days ago a hippy road by on a bike and offered me an orange. I´m so used to things costing that I was slightly unwilling to take it. His broken English managed to explain that it was a very special orange - a ceremonial orange. It brings people together. There were drums involved somehow. I´m hoping it´s full of lsd or something ahahah naw... I´m still trying to decide if I want to eat it. I´m not big into oranges. Too pulpy.

We´ve seen lots of interesting things in our new neighbourhood. There is a lot of construction right now and two main markets which aren´t terribly far from the house. The house has pink faux-suede curtains and sofas. A full description could not match what it looks like. But it´s ours.

My job is alright. So far I don´t have very many hours, which means this first month is going to be pretty challanging for me. I teach business english on-site, which means away from the school. And sometimes its FAR away from my house, but at most an hour on a bus. For example I work at Siemens private tutoring an uppermanagment gentleman who was put into the wrong level and doesn´t have much of an interest in formal class. It´s actually pleasant and the pay is good. I do need more hours drastically though - I´m just hoping to wait until after my birthday to get them. Mexican independance is coming very shortly anyways so there´s a bit of vacation around my birthday anyways.

Well, time is running out. I´m planning my next tattoo at this point as three hours costed a friend about $130 which is awesome for the job the guy did. It was gorgeous.

We´re looking into getting a phone line in the house soon so I hope to talk to you all and I get two weeks at Christmas, over one of which will be spent in Toronto.

Looking foward to it.

I can´t help it. It´s a story that won´t stay in my head; a story of light and sound, night and silence. It´s at the turning of 22 to 23 that I start to realize I am going to fade into obscurity like the billons who have come before and may come after. It isn´t entirely unsettling; the thought of death alone is not a fear of mine. Somehow the thought rankles though. This complex of humanity is the desire for rememberance and it is one that never comes to its completion. We are all part of something that came before. Maybe it´s a god complex, maybe it´s just the desire to have contributed something of value to the world. Kindness is a step to go in the right direction but the best kindnesses are the ones that don´t receive recognition. That´s why they´re so great.

We´re doing alright down here. Another girl, Rebecca (Becks as I call her) are moving into an apartment in Zapopan near the downtown. It´s by far my favourite part of the city and I´m looking forward to the change very much. I´m just pleased to have an apartment to move to. The rest of it will follow. As for work I´ve had two interviews and I´ll be accepting one of the jobs - the catch is that I want the one that hasn´t gotten back to me yet. We´ll see. I have a suspicious feeling I´m going to end up in a place that isn´t entirely comfortable.

This is life - one step, day by day you wake up and open your eyes. And really... could it be any other way?
I don´t fear my future - I don´t fear my past. My present is a stable place. I have no problems and maybe that´s the problem. It´s all aesthetics, that´s all. I haven´t been stressed at all. I´m coasting along in life. It´s artificial strife that is invested in my life as an occupier of free time.

And I´m graduating among the top of my class, .1% away from the highest. Graduation is tomorrow.

Saturday, Bloody, Fucking Saturday

I´m at school, getting ready to teach. Actually I`m dicking around until it`s time to teach. I have absolutely no interest in being here today. The system has fucked everyone over at least once. I want my own class - I can`t wait for next week.

Looks like I`ve gotten a position almost for sure, still in Guadalajara. I couldn´t figure out any other way of getting all my things across the country. I`ve collected a great deal since I`ve been here. I`ll be moving to a better part of the city, with another girl from my course. It should work out much better. Downtown is entirely reachable and it is likely I`ll have to be there 6 of 7 days.
My schedule is going to be fucked up but I`ll be able to save somemoney likely, and pay off my student debts some.

I`m having a morose day again. It might be the fact that I have no desire to teach right now. I`ll feel much better once I get in the class. I always do. Until then I`m just going to suffer with myself.

There is so much to say and I have`t come up with a way to say it.
I miss Jenn and the kitties.
I miss Tim Hortens.
I miss English.
Someday it`s all going to make sense.

One more time

So things have been progressing steadily. I´ve begun teaching now and have taught five out of ten observed classes. I was getting 9/10 for the first three, showing no progress, so I think I´ve finally gotten into the swing of things and am now getting 10s. Only one way to go though. All the assignments I´ve handed in are also 10s. The problem is I´m bored as fuck. It´s very tedious and tiem consuming to waste time instead of doing a tast. I can absorb so much more than they´re giving us. I tend to get things done early as well, which is a major advantage. I{m particularly less stressed than everyone else. Plus the people doing the schedules seem to like me as I´m not getting shafted like some other members of the class.

As for personal, I´m meshing well with the rest of the class. All the previous has now departed but I´m looking forward to a friend coming back to live. She´s got a house with a spare room. It´s going to be a second home. And I´m going to get to watch TV. Monday isn´t far away at all it seems. Unsurprisingly things just move forward as they ought to.

In three days I will have been in Mexico for a whole month. You will be happy to know they have drum circle here. I was less than thrilled but misery loves company right? I have officially completed my week long Spanish course and I start the TEFL course on Monday. Talking to the people who have gone through it is both reassuring and terrifying but if I could graduate university I can do this.... although they say it´s more intense I don´t think they could understand how much I got away with ahahahah

I have a new friend, Luis. He´s pretty laid back but he´s very Mexican, sort of reminiscent of the Mexicans I´ve met. He picked me up with a michelada (alcoholic beverage of beer and clamato, surprisingly good) in one hand. We went to the rusty trumpet... no publicity kind of place, you knock on the door and they let you in after peering at you from a peep hole. We drove drunk. All in all the night ended fabulously although the hangover into today was a brutal, gut-wrenching hell ride. I got dropped off in the morning at like 10:30 and I was in brutal shape. It took me all day to recover - I kept getting better and worse, I was bad, ate breakfast, was better, took a nap, was worse, and so on and so forth. I´m not drinking tonight. There is no way. In the last week I have drank so damn much almost every day. Last night it was over one and a half large bottles of rum between four people, add some whiskey near the end.

A couple of nights ago we went out and it was me and another girl, Amy blonde, that went to town on a fucking bottle of tequila. I yelled so many bad spanish words at people. Mostly I just ignored them before. This was much more fun. I also peed in a construction site at the side of the road. I finally did laundry so I had a dress, but nevertheless some things are wonderfully consistant. We were also offered a free taxi ride home. We didn´t take it ahahah

I have a warrior dream - I´m not fierce, I´m just not. Everyone needs dreams though.

People are leaving now - it´s getting kind of sad.

I´ve met some French people here, from France, and I think I´ve fallen in love ahahahah not in a romantic way with a person but grander.... they have a way of looking at things, I feel almost adopted as a comrade. They are interesting and interested, two guys and two girls. They´re sharing their dinner with me tonight. I love food hahaha

Finally got around to getting margerine. Had two grilled cheese sandwhiches.

I´ve discovered the fear of the blog and who can read what... maybe it´s not all it´s cracked up to be. Some things are too illicit.

And I was doing so well :P

Alrighty - so I'm downtown living the life... sort of... ahahahah It went well, the move that is. I had a taxi driver with a pronounced twitch. At first I thought he was just dancing ahahah boy did merging traffic really dispel that notion. Once I got downtown though (finding a taxi on sunday was hard enough in Zapopan) I get put in the posada in a three bed room with two mexican aesthetician students who don't speak english and had been living there for over a year. They were resentful of my presence. This has been a continual problem. One month, I keep telling myself, but unfortunately one month can be really long when you're locked out of your room and forced to knock to demand entrance. Last night I just slept in someone else's room that had a spare bed. He's a very sweet, 18 year old. Four years older and he's be in some kind of trouble. Anyways, he plays guitar and I made him play and sing for me last night before bed ahahah awesome, but depressing... the beautiful songs are always achy somehow.

Anyways, most of the friends I've made are pulling out of the posada in the next week... many were here at IMAC (spanish and english teaching school) and some were ITTO (and then there's some frenchies and aesticians ahahah) so they got jobs or are going home. Either way all my new friends are leaving, contributing at least slightly to the problem.

I'm going to ask to switch rooms to a room that has english speakers and whatnot. These fucking girls are cunts and are ruining my life.

I've begun my Spanish class and it's interesting. The evaluation meant I was put in close to the end of the first book so all the previous things I missed, so I'm building a castle on sand, which can be very frustrating. In any case... days pass and it's only for a week. It's bloody hot outside now and I need to buy groceries as I am a starving machine!! I haven't been able to find english muffins which is pissing me off... and as for moctazumas revenge? Not my problem. I need more fiber in my diet or something man ahahah instead of just meat and tortilla... which happen to taste great but are fucking up my digestive system.

And I was doing so well :P